Last in this year…
Posted by: Marie on: December 30, 2009
Probably my last post for this year.
Honestly… I wish 2010 to come sooner so I could start my life from the very beginning! I want to forget pain and troubles, want to live, breathe and be happy again. I’m so tired from what happened.
I’ve had a very horrible year. Starting from the very beginning everything failed in my life. I tried, I hoped, I belived, I prayed and begged… As a result… I’m absolutely exhausted, lonely and tired. All my hopes and dreams just failed. My love is not needed anymore. I am not needed.
Whole year I struggled and fought to keep the fire burning. Alas. It’s not burning anymore. I feel so empty and exhausted… I gave too much of all I have. Now I’ve got nothing and I have to build myself from zero.
I wish new 2010 will bring me some luck and happiness. At last it’s my year. Tiger =)
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I wish all of you, who may randomly find this blog, to be happy in new year, to smile and to say “I love you” more often.
May all your dreams come true!
See you in 2010!
Merry Christmas!
Posted by: Marie on: December 24, 2009
Merry Christmas everybody, who celebrates =)
May all your dreams come true! Have a special evening, night and morning…
Wish I got my Christmas present too… but it’s not the right time to be sad=)
Celebrate and eat a lot=)
i will survive
Posted by: Marie on: December 23, 2009
It took all the strength I had
not to fall apart
kept trying hard to mend
the pieces of my broken heart
and I spent oh so many nights
just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
Now I hold my head up high
and you see me
somebody new
I’m not that chained up little person
still in love with you
and so you felt like dropping in
and just expect me to be free
now I’m saving all my loving
for someone who’s loving me
saving myself from sadness
Posted by: Marie on: December 23, 2009
Hello! My name is Maria and I must admit, I’m a shop-o-…
No I’m not. Really.
I spent my last day in Rome and Vienna’s duty free shops looking for a lipstick which seemed to be exactly what I needed.
I saw testers and asked for one to buy. Rome’s shops didn’t have it. So I asked in Vienna’s. All I could hear back was: Oh, so sorry, but we don’t seem to have this colour…
Well.. I thought I’d be ok with one lipstick then… At last, Dior isn’t that bad.
Yesterday my feet brought me to our local perfume and cosmetics shop. Luckily (as I thought) the shop has just opened! All testers were fresh and unused yet… It meant only one thing: they do have for sure the colour I need! Huuray!
Yep. I was happy for a while. Untill nice girl, who spent almost 20 minutes checking every shelf with loads and loads of stuff…. told me: I’m so sorry…but we don’t have this lipstick =(
Dammit.
Thought I and bought Givenchy lipstick instead. Not bad.
Scary, but hopefully shopping for lipsticks doesn’t mean I’m into it… at last I don’t have more money for more lipsticks!
you can take it back
Posted by: Marie on: December 21, 2009
Don’t you need your towel back?
Randomly found it in my chest of drawers. Maybe send it to you for Christmas?
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I’m trying hard not to cross the border line between eternal tenderness I feel and I’ve always felt, and incipient anger.
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Someday I’ll stop seeing you in my dreams, someday I’ll stop writing and deleting messages addressed to you, someday I’ll learn to live without tears.
feeling blue
Posted by: Marie on: December 19, 2009
Christmas songs, Christmas moods…
It makes me sad as never before. At least before I had a dream, a wish and hope… to meet Christmas with someone special. But, as I don’t have anybody special this year, I will have to be by myself and I have to make it nice and lovely.
In my country we celebrate Christmas in January. And the closest celebration for this year is New years’ eve. I will spend it with my family. Didn’t buy any presents yet. Not because I’m lazy and depressed as the worst depression can be=) But because today it RAINED! Can you imagine rain in the middle of December? It was -10 and snowing yesterday… it’s zero degrees today and bloody raining!
Roads are covered with ice… Can’t walk out, fearing of Monday’s early morning… dreaming of own car to avoid public transport and million people getting on a bus at 8.15am.
Want to be back there again…:
Vienna, Wiener Christkindlmarkt
snow…
Posted by: Marie on: December 18, 2009
It has never been THAT snowing outside… I don’t remember seeing such weather!
It’s windy… it’s -12 outside..and it snowing! Non-stop since yesterday!
I don’t like winter just for one thing: million things which I have to wear on me everyday! Then taking them off…
Ah.. and it’s cold when you undress before going to sleep or bathroom))
no more
Posted by: Marie on: December 17, 2009
No more waiting, no more, aching…
No more fighting, no more, trying…
(c) The Corrs
Eurotrip
Posted by: Marie on: December 16, 2009
Now, about something positive.
I spent last week in Rome and Vienna. I must say 1 week is not enough. My feet ache now because we did so much walking! And sometimes running.
Don’t ask what I liked more. Those two cities can’t be compared.
Rome is wonderful. Vienna is lovely.
The brightest event is of course my meeting with my italian ragazza=) Grazie sister for such a wonderful time and day! You know, we both had a special time. We were kind of soulmates. Well, I think we’re in anyway=) Looking forward meeting you in Paris 
If not such a bloody cold rain and wind in Vienna, I would probably take more photos. Shame on me, I didn’t take as many photos as I planned or wished. Sometimes my hands were absolutely frozen till lovely blue skin colour 
I couldn’t do much with such a cold feeling. Vienna was wonderful too..for it’s gorgeousness and Christmas market… Unforgettable! Didn’t get to drink Gluwine though..just Punsch It was more than enough to feel a bit warmer.
More shame of me is that I saved so much money for this trip! I mean… i planned a bit of a different trip…to different country… Not planned..hoped though. But anyway, it will get me into crying if I continue=) So..money… yes.. I didn’t spend much-that’s why it’s a shame! I spent almost nothing! I brought back more than a half of what I planned to spend.
Anyway… Honestly, I didn’t have a mood to go anywhere…but I’m so happy I did. Especially first day in Rome.
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Posted by: Marie on: December 16, 2009
I’m staring at the paper..and I don’t know what to write.
I must find the way out of this crap. It’s getting me, but I’m trying to hold on and I’m trying not to burst it all on people and friends. Sometimes I’m “exploding”, luckily my friends are the kindest and dearest people I have for now and my mood doesn’t change their attitude towards me.
I’m trying to find peace and harmony… trying to find myself. Seems like I lost “me” long time ago. Haven’t felt so much pain in my whole life.
Work takes all of my time and luckily occupying all of my mind.
It’s just I see bad dreams every night. And when I’m face to face with myself I can’t handle it. Too hard. Sometimes I seriously think and hope I’m not going crazy. Easily can happen… Torture.
Music hurts… things hurt… memories hurt.
I hide my pain inside. Just crying makes it visible to others. What a shame!!!
I’ll stop now.
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