Maria’s Weblog

Still feeling dreadful.

I think I will for a long long time.

I don’t cry anymore. No more tears left for that.

My eyes look like I’m being 80 years old…tired and down.

I’m trying to think of something good. Trying not to remember..not to feel pain. But pain finds me first. It’s nearly unbearable.. It’s like burning alive. I can’t stop it. I’m just fading away…

I’m also trying to work out my vacation. Very unusual not to plan summer trip to Oz. Same time, same worries..just different mood and locations.

I like to think I’ll survive. But now it’s very hard to belive in it.

I pray God every night asking to give me strenghts and will to go on…

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Sorry for complaining here. I feel shame because of that. But I find it worse to load people with my problems. But I can’t hold it inside..else I’ll go crazy.

Flames to dust, lovers to friends…all the good things come to an end.

My good thing came to end also.

Tomorrow will be the new day, new life maybe?

I didn’t want to live today.

But..I’m strong. I’ll survive. I’ll be better, I’ll be stronger, I’ll love again and I will be happy again.

Good bye my past. You were beautiful.

Hello my future, my new life.

2 weeks and I’m out of htis city, country…

At last!

Though..I’m absolutely not organized, I’m a mess=)))

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*If you have doubts – leave it*

I can’t… it hurts to leave, it hurts more to stay.

Sorry, unable to confirm/BRGDS/ME

There’re days when EVERYTHING goes bad.

Today was one of them.

I wish tomorrow came sooner. Or better… i wish December was sooner…and 2010 too.

I’d like to leave this year behind. Want it badly.

Everytime I try to leave work earlie ends with me leaving half an hour later =(

I’ve got two edges: I think of my life way too much and it makes me sad. Or I think of work too much, which depresses me also.

Err, gotta find the golden middle.

Crying half of the night isn’t good for you. Believe me.

Sometimes this crap gets me! I spent hours yesterday thinking of my life, my present, my future and…it’s the past which made me cry. I became too sensitive. Too much!

Though today’s news brought something like a smile to my face.

I’m gonna have a vacation – a week off in the first part of December. Hurray!

Also, I think New Year is somewhere close. It doesn’t feel usual though. I guess since 2006 my new year meant Bondi Beach and all that warm and lovely stuff on the other side of the Globe. Doesn’t happen this year. No idea if it happens anytime sooner or later. No plans.. at all.

I don’t care much. I did last night. I don’t care today. Hopefully I won’t care tomorrow. Less caring – more health.

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December…

Sis, wait for me from 9-th Dec till 12-th Lol.. I’m coming ))))))

Mondays are meant to be hard days. My Mondays end with German class. Till 9pm. It’s kind of killing me slowly. I have to prepare huge home-tasks, I have to learn everything, I have to come home after work and in half an hour or so leave to German class. I have to spend there  2 long-long hours and to pretend I undertand everything.

When I come home I feel destroyed.

But…but… I want to know that language badly. Don’t ask me why. I just want. Count it my pleasure. And my torture too.

We’re already half way done. It gets a little bit easier to talk and to read. Still can’t understand anything from what natives say, but hopefully it will come.

Still use only present tense… Can’t say in past or future… Still cant’ say many things..

But hope dies last=)

Just a bad copy of  “the Day after tomorrow”.

Nothing new, nothing special.

Don’t pay money for it. Honestly.